I have recently been through some of the toughest months of my life. While my sister’s illness had been going on for years, things took a sudden nosedive that ultimately took her life.
During the many doctor visits, my brain struggled to reconcile the faith teachings I grew up with and the very real truth that sometimes suffering was the assignment of the Believer. I totally believed in miracles and healing, but for every one that showcased on the screen or in a camp meeting, it was dawning on me that there were those that never received the answer they were praying for.
When I tell you the tension was real, it was REAL.
On one hand there are mind-blowing miracles. On the other hand there is unbelievable suffering. If we’re really looking at the WHOLE Bible, that dichotomy is all right there.
I still struggled. “God, why let your children suffer? Where do you get the glory in suffering?”
I heard a still answer in my heart, “I receive glory in how My children respond in suffering”.
The question melted away. I knew it was true. I was going to shift to gratitude and encouragement.
And then my sister died.
I was equally relieved that her struggle was over and devastated. And a low boil of anger settled in. The question reared its ugly head.
“God, where do You get the glory in death? Wouldn’t healing have been a better way to go? If I were You, that would be how I got glory”.
That still voice answered back, darn it. “I receive glory in how my children respond in death and grief”. Immediately, the Holy Spirit brought scriptures back to mind.
“But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope” (1 Thes. 4:13, emphasis added).
“O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory? The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:55-57, emphasis added).
The question dissolved again.
Are we Christians only when things go right? When prayers get answered? When healing comes?
Or can we still raise our hands and worship God when suffering intensifies? When the lions are released? When the days turn into weeks and then months and years…with no change?
As my niece says, “Life be lifen sometimes”. It’s going to come with it’s ups and downs. That’s never going to change. But you know what else is never going to change?
God. And the reasons to worship Him with all our heart, mind and strength.
I wish I could say that the grief and confusion melted away with the weight of those scriptures and the realization of the part I play in its fulfillment. It still comes back. But I’m more aware now that life is a training ground, and all these situations in life help to shape my faith – like gold in the fire.
And His grace is still sufficient.
